


The Fall Into Us

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Comfort/Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Modern AU, Rating to Change, Sibling Incest, let's get that one out of the shall we?, that's enough for now, this is shameless self indulgance on my part
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-22 13:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7441468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili have lost their father in a rig accident. The years after are a fight for normalcy for the family. After a day of small, seemingly insignificant mistakes, the brothers' lives are once again turned upside down. They are sent to live with their uncle whom they haven't seen since their father's funeral. As the world around them pulls away they draw closer together, but the past haunts them in a way that makes normalcy impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Expected leave of absence

**Author's Note:**

> So this chapter is pretty short but the rest of the chapters will be longer. I wrote this because it's something that I wanted to read and thought that if I wanted to read it then maybe others would want to read it too. So here it is, the beginning of my self indulgence. Also! You can find me at ladyofriddermark on tumblr so drop me a line and remind me that I should be writing.

Fili and Kili were torn from their father by death. An unfortunate rig accident.Their mother had been distraught. She tried her best, she really did. Dis doted on her boys as much as she could. She took them to shows every week. She indulged their every whim whether it had been food or more materialistic. Everything was fine. Everything seemed fine; until the brothers slowly saw their mother’s facade crack like old pottery.

She had never been okay she had been broken from the beginning. Fili noticed it first, being the one more in tune with others’ emotions. He watched her day by day, never saying a word in fear of shattering their assumed peace. But shatter it did and no one came out without cuts.  
It had been a sunny day Fili recalled. Their mother had taken them to the zoo, something 14 year old Fili didn’t really enjoy but a 12 year old Kili found fascinating.The visit went smoothly enough. It was the ride home that Fili recognized as his first mistake. 

Fili would normally sit in the back of the car with Kili but his brother had been getting on his nerves by continuously poking him and then running away. This time Fili took the seat beside his mother. He did it without thinking. Why would it matter? When he was buckled in he looked up at his mother who had a look on her face he hadn’t seen for two years.

“You look so much like him, you really do” Dis had whispered. Fili had given her a small smile and turned away, not thinking about her words and that look on her face. That had been mistake two.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Three strikes and you’re out!” he heard the t.v say as they walked into their tiny two room apartment. A baseball cartoon was blaring on the t. v.

“Kili,”their mother called. “How many times do I have to tell you to turn off the television before we leave?” Kili managed a sheepish look before turning the t.v off. “Sorry” he said. 

“What do you two want for supper?” Dis called as she made her way to the kitchen.

An idea was sparked in Fili’s mind. “How about me and Kili make dinner tonight?”

“What? Why? I don’t-” Fili gave his brother a stern look that stopped Kili from finishing his sentence.

Fili heard his mother sigh and say “alright.” He smiled and looked at his not so happy brother. “Just don’t make a mess you two. I’m going to go lie down.” And with that Dis left her two sons to their own devices. 

“Great,” Kili said. “What can we possibly make that’s not going to taste like shit?”

“Language, Kili.” Fili said in a disproving tone. “and don’t worry I’ll cook. Just get all the ingredients out for me.”

“What are you going to make?” Kili asked looking up to him.

“mom’s favorite.” That had been mistake three.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dinner was quiet, all three members of the household exhausted from the days events. When the table was clear Dis gave a muted goodnight, kissed her sons on the forehead and went to bed. Fili watched as her door closed with a soft click. He turned his attention to his younger brother.  
“Come on, let’s go to bed” Fili said as he cuffed the back of Kili’s head. Kili tried to duck away from his brother’s grasp but failed. “But it’s only ten.”

“Bed” Fili repeated, not bothering to look at Kili as he made his way to their shared room. Kili reluctantly follow, dragging his feet. The brothers’ room was tiny with just enough space for two twin sized beds and a dresser. They had moved after their father died to ‘get away from the nightmares’ as their mom had said. It wasn’t much but it was theirs. They didn’t mind sharing. 

Fili collapsed on his bed without bothering to change his clothes, his socked feet dangling off the edge. Kili sat on his on bed with more care making sure the sheets were straight. He picked at the edge nervously before peering at his brother. 

“Do you think mom is ok?” Kili asked with a voice of a scared child. It was a voice that always managed to break Fili’s heart.  
“Why wouldn’t she be?” Fili responded.  
“I don’t know. She seemed sad today.” Kili put his feet in his hands to stop himself from picking at the sheets.  
“She’s ok Kili, go to sleep.” he said as he closed his eyes to escape the look on his brother’s face. “we’re ok” he repeated as he drifted off. Kili listened to his brother and wrapped himself up in the covers. Fili was right Kili convinced himself. Wasn’t he always right?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Morning made itself known by the light streaming in through the window. Fili stretched as he opened his eyes. A thread of panic jolted through him as he saw the clock on the dresser. It read 9:22. They were over an hour late to school.  
“Kili get up!” A head popped up from under the covers of the bed across from Fili’s.  
“What is it?” A drowsy voice asked.  
“We’re late.” Fili answered.  
“For what?” Kili asked still half asleep.  
“For school you idiot.” Fili tossed his covers onto the floor.  
“Fuck!” Cursed Kili.  
“Language” Fili managed as he pushed himself from the comfort of his bed.  
The two brothers rushed to get dressed. One side of the room messy and unorganized, the other pristine and well kept. Fili and Kili both attempted to walk through their door at the same time, an old habit that they could no longer indulge. Fili took in a deep breath to steady his nerves. They didn’t have time for this. They couldn’t be late again.  
“I’ll get mom, you get breakfast” Fili instructed and then forced his way through the door without waiting to hear his brother’s response.  
Why hadn’t Dis woken them up? She wasn’t the most time sensitive person but she normally wasn’t this late. Dis made sure her children got to school on time most days. Fili marched himself to his mother’s bedroom and heaved an irritated sigh before putting his hand on the doorknob.  
“I’m coming in!” Fili called. He didn’t hear an objecting voice so he turned the knob and opened the door. What he saw confused him. Then understanding settled and his shoulders sagged. His eyes were fixed on the perfectly made bed as he heard a familiar voice.  
“Hey Fili, I couldn’t get the stove to work so I grabbed some poptarts instead. I hope that’s-” Fili heard Kili’s footsteps stop behind him, his breath on his back.  
“What’s wrong?" Fili ignored his brother, eyes fixed ahead. "Fili?” Kili asked, voice small.  
Fili swallowed, closed his eyes, and said “Fuck.”


	2. A Journey to Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is, the second chapter. I have no beta at this time and I do most of my writing and editing at night so all mistakes are wonderfully mine.  
> Enjoy!

Fili felt his stomach drop. He knew there had been something wrong, he just didn’t want to admit it. He should have known, he should have been prepared. Instead, his little brother was standing behind him. A little brother that just hours before, Fili had told that everything was okay. How was he supposed to explain the situation to Kili? How would he take it? Fili didn’t want to focus on that line of thought but felt Kili grab onto his arm, his hand in a desperate, iron grip and knew that he didn’t have a choice.

“Go sit on the couch Kili” Fili whispered, his voice devoid of emotion.

“But-” Kili began.

“Go!” Fili yelled.

Kili flinched at the tone of Fili’s voice. It was icy and on fire at the same time. Kili let go of the hold he had on his brother’s arm and retreated to the living room. The couch shifted under Kili’s weight, today the weight seemed a little heavier. Kili waited for his brother. He knew something was wrong, he just wasn’t sure what it was. Fili would know, he was in tune with things like this. He always knew. 

Fili pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered, “fucking hell,” under his breath. He hadn’t meant to snap at Kili. It was the last thing that needed to be done in this situation. He had just wanted Kili to get out of sight of their mother’s room as soon as possible. He went over dialogue in his head trying to prepare himself for what he was about to do. Fili took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders, and joined his brother in the living room.

“What’s going on Fili? Where’s mom?” Kili’s emotions covered his face, even though he was doing his best to hide them. He could never hide them from Fili. Fili took in the fear in Kili’s eyes and sat beside him.

“Kili,” Fili began. “mom is gone,” He was trying to pick his words carefully but he wasn’t sure if Kili would completely grasp what he was trying to say. 

“You mean she left us?” Kili’s voice was stony but the unshed tears in his eyes betrayed him.

“I don’t think she’s coming back, Kili,” where Kili’s voice was cold and detached Fili’s was full of emotion. Fili brought up his legs and wrapped his arms around them, his head resting on his knees.

“It’s ok,” Kili said. “We’re ok.” 

Kili wrapped his arms around his brother, his tight grip returning. The embrace broke something in Fili. He began sobbing, horrible rattled breaths followed by wails that left his clothes soaked in his own tears. Kili held on to Fili and let him cry, his own eyes dry. He could be strong for his brother this time; this time Kili could listen to someone else’s emotions. 

The two brothers sat on the couch until the light of the sun faded and when the light of the moon was visible they stayed. It was the first, of many to come, long, lonely nights that the two would have to get through. Two brothers with one broken heart.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili and Kili spent the next week acting as if nothing had happened as best as they could. Nothing could hide the fact that they were missing something though. Fili made sure they got to school on time and that they ate what food they still had in the fridge. Kili made sure that the apartment didn’t become a mess. 

By Wednesday they had their routine down, however unconventional it was. They worked together to tie the pieces of their lives together. Fili didn’t pretend that he had a plan and Kili knew it. They were fourteen and twelve, what could they possibly do Fili thought? 

“What if we call someone?” Kili asked.

“Who would we call? We don’t know anyone” Fili stated.

“Family?” Kili suggested.

“Again we don’t know them or how to contact them,” Fili was getting tired of this conversation, of this situation. He was always tired. 

“We have to do something. Don’t we?” Kili looked at Fili with inquisitive eyes.

“Give me time to figure this out.” Kili accepted his brother’s words and let the conversation die.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weekend came and went with the two brothers locking themselves indoors. Fili had gotten them to school for two weeks with no tardies, as far as he could tell no one was suspicious of their mother’s sudden absence. Fili and Kili had kept to themselves however, and that meant that the fridge was growing bare. This was pointed out by Kili’s growling stomach.

“Are we going to go to the store anytime soon? It’s almost been two weeks since we’ve gone and today is Friday. We always have spaghetti on Friday’s and we’re out of pasta.” Kili Had been talking about food for the past thirty minutes but this was the first time he had brought up their Friday tradition.

Fili contemplated his brother’s words. They were almost out of food,but the only money they had was Fili’s leftover birthday money. They would have to do something about that. Fili removed the spoon he had been chewing on to answer his brother.

“I guess we can go after school today,” Fili watched Kili’s face as he placed the spoon back in his mouth.

“Can’t we just stay home today? There’s no one here to make us go, we could have a long weekend,” Kili gave his older brother puppy dog eyes, hoping that he would indulge him this time.

“I’m here, which means there is someone to make sure we go. Asking me the same question everyday isn’t going to magically make me say yes. Now go get ready for school” Fili lifted his head in the direction of their bedroom.

Kili sighed and pushed himself up from the table. “Fine, mom,” both brothers flinched at Kili’s words. It had been a slip, an old joking habit. “Sorry,” Kili muttered before turning away from Fili and retreating to their room. 

Fili stared out the window as his brother left, blinking away tears.What were they going to do? Fili sat still as a stone until Kili returned. Hadn’t Kili just left to get ready? Fili looked at the clock above the stove and realized that Kili had been gone for ten minutes. Fili gave his head a swift shake and stood up.

“Ready?” Fili asked

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Kili muttered.

“Come on, it’s Friday let’s get this day over with.” The pair left the apartment and began the short walk to school.

They walked in silence. It had become a habit when their mother left, both boys too tired and confused to converse. It was a daily reminder that something was very wrong. Fili missed the talks and teasing they used to have on the way to school. Now all that was left was too much time to let Fili think. 

Why had their mother left? It was a question Fili asked himself every minute of everyday. He had replayed that last day in his mind a thousand times and every time he never came up with an answer. He peered at his brother from the corner of his eyes. Fili could tell that Kili was in the same contemplative state as he was. What was he supposed to do? He was fourteen and had suddenly found himself watching over two. This question was always on his mind. 

The school came into view and Kili drew closer to Fili. Kili’s hand jumped and Fili could tell that he wanted to take his arm but didn’t want to look like a little kid. Kili had grown increasingly dependent on Fili. Fili would have scolded him for being so clingy if he didn't feel the same. 

Fili watched as one of the teachers stood at the school door welcoming students in. He put a hand on Kili’s back and pushed him forward.

“Go on ahead. I’ll be in in a minute” Fili said. 

“But,” Kili’s eyes were filled with fear, “we’re going to be late. We should go in together.” This time Kili did grab onto Fili’s arm.

“It’s ok Kili,” Fili said as he gently removed Kili’s hand. “I’ll just be a minute. Go on.”

Kili did as he was told but Fili could see the fight in his brother’s eyes. Fili watched until Kili made it into the school before turning around. He couldn’t stomach the thought of going another day pretending that everything was fine. Fili walked off school grounds and made his way to the supermarket.

He roamed the isles for pasta and sauce. After meandering around the store for forty minutes he had gathered everything he needed. Fili headed to the check out line but something caught his eye. A chocolate cake was sitting on a display table. He made a split second decision and grabbed the cake before joining the line for the cashier. Fili let himself space out while waiting in line. It was something that had become increasingly easy as of late. 

“That will be twenty-five even,” Fili pulled himself back into the world and handed the cashier the last of his money.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kili took his place in the lunchroom, a small table in the back of the cafeteria. A table that Kili normally shared with Fili, a brother he last saw outside of the school. He recalled Fili telling him to go on ahead, that he would be just a moment. A moment passed, the bell rang, and then half the day was gone. 

Kili watched his friends on the other side of the cafeteria. They were laughing, it made Kili’s stomach churn. He hadn’t spoken to most of them for nearly two weeks. They had tried of course, but had quickly given up when they realized that Kili was uninterested. Now he was sitting alone, without his brother. He balled his fists at his sides and stared at his lunch.

“Kili?” A soft voice called. Kili’s head snapped up at the new voice. He had been so focused that he hadn’t noticed his teacher walking towards him. She pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. “Are you okay? I noticed that your brother wasn’t here and you looked a little down.”

“It’s nothing,” Kili muttered. “Just tired,” It was as close to the truth as Kili wanted to get. 

“Do you know where Fili is? I haven’t seen him all day, in fact none of the teachers have seen him. Is he sick?” The concern in her voice was real but Kili was too upset to notice it.

“He isn’t sick,” Kili snapped and instantly regretted it. “I don’t know where he is,” he said softer this time. 

“Is everything alright at home?” The teacher’s voice adopted a serious tone.

“I guess,” Kili answered.

The woman’s eyes softened in understanding. “Tell me about the last time you had fun.”

Kili told her about the trip to the zoo two weeks ago. He told her how he had been so excited to see the wolves and bears, how Fili had pretended to feign interest but Kili could tell that he was excited to see the lions. He also told her how he had pestered his brother so much that he had decided to forgo his normal seat in the car to sit by their mother. 

Kili hadn’t noticed the hitch in his breath when he mentioned his mother. She did.

The bell rang and his teacher rose to excuse herself. “Back to class.” She turned to go but Kili stopped her.  
“Wait!” Kili cried. She stopped and gave him a inquisitive look. “Thank you Miss. Tuariel, for talking with me.”

She gave him a soft smile before responding, “You’re welcome Kili,” and with that she walked out of the cafeteria.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili looked up at his ceiling. He had meant to go back to school, but he didn’t have the motivation or energy to do much of anything. He had needed time to think and sort through his emotions. He was searching for answers, and he had found them. 

There wasn’t a doubt it Fili’s mind that he was the reason that their mother had abandoned them. Dis had been sad for a long time, she was good at hiding it. So much so, that Fili had almost believed that things were starting to get normal again. That day at the zoo proved him wrong.

He should have seen it coming. He should have been more careful he told himself. He should have stopped her. He shouldn’t have sat in the front seat and ignored her words, he shouldn’t have cooked her favorite meal, the one their father used to make her, when she was clearly not herself. He should have stopped her. 

‘Why didn’t I stop her,’ Fili asked the open air. That was the real question that he couldn’t get out of his head because he was guilty of one more sin that he didn’t want to admit. He had seen her staring at the apartment door. Fili closed his eyes as he recalled the last time he had seen his mother.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili had woken up in the middle of the night like he often did. He had wandered into the living room, not wanting to wake Kili. He had managed to make it to the couch before he noticed his mother’s ghostly figure standing at the door. She had startled him at first. Her normally lively face was pale and almost emotionless. Fili almost didn’t recognize her. 

“Mom?” His voice came out like a crack, dry from sleep. 

“Go back to sleep Fili, please,” her gaze never left the door.

“What’s wrong?” Fili’s voice trembled.

“Nothing. Nothing, go back to bed.” It was clear that she was trying to sound like this exchange was normal, but her voice betrayed her.

“You’re scaring me mom. Can’t you come back to bed too?” It was at that moment that Fili realized both what he had said and what the words meant. 

Dis turned her face away from the door to smile at her son. It was a ghost of her normal tooth-filled grin. She walked to Fili and kissed him on the forehead. 

“My strong, beautiful son. I love you so much. You two are my whole world, and always will be,” Dis’ voice was wavering, paving the way for tears. “Go back to sleep, Fili.”

Fili debated on whether or not going back to bed was the best idea. In the end he just nodded his head and started walking back to his room. He stopped at the door and turned back to his mom.

“I love you, mom,” but she either didn’t hear him or didn’t acknowledge his words because she was sitting on the couch, staring at the door.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili wiped the tears off of his face and sat up. It was nearing three and he didn’t want Kili to walk home by himself. Fili was sure that he would be mad at him. He had told Kili that he would be right behind him and then had not shown up at all. He got out of bed with a sigh and began the short walk to the school.

Fili saw Kili as soon as he approached the school. His head cast down and hands in his pockets. Fili walked up to him slowly, not wanting to startle him.

“Are you ready to go?” Fili asked.

Kili looked up at his brother and started walking without a word. Fili followed close behind. Neither spoke. Fili contemplated the different ways he could start a conversation but none of them seemed to fit the situation. If Kili didn’t want to talk then that was fine with Fili. What bothered him was the abrupt distance Kili had placed between them. As soon as the apartment door was closed behind them Fili spoke.

“How was your day?” Fili managed.

Kili spun and pulled back his arm. Before Fili could realize what was happening, kili’s fist hit his face. Fili reeled from the force. Kili had never hit him like this before. They had tussled enough when they were younger but they had never fought out of anger.

“How was my day? I’ll tell you how my day was!” Kili yelled. “I spent the whole fucking day worrying and wondering where you where. I was praying that you didn’t leave too! For fuck’s sake Fili, you said you would be just a minute. Your minute must be a hell of a lot longer than mine. You were gone all day. What was I supposed to think?” Kili’s last statement was barely more than a whisper. 

Fili stared at his brother in shock. He hadn’t thought that Kili would take it that way. For someone who often prided himself on his ability to read others, he was doing a shitty job lately. “Kili,” he began but it was all he could get out before Kili rushed him, wrapping his arms around his brother and bursting into tears.

“Please don’t leave Fili. I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t leave. I can’t lose you too,” Kili tightened his hold on Fili. Fili in turn wrapped his arms around his brother and allowed them to slide down the door so that they were sitting on the floor.

“I’m not going anywhere Kili, I promise. I’ll never leave you,” Fili’s own voice was thick with tears. Fili held Kili until the sobbing subsided and turned into hiccups.

“Come on,” Fili said, gently nudging Kili. “Let’s go eat. I went to the store today,” Fili helped his brother stand up and walked into the kitchen.

“Spaghetti?” Kili asked

“Spaghetti,” Fili confirmed.

The atmosphere surrounding the brothers quickly changed. Where there had been angry words and sobs, jokes and laughing replaced them. The two worked in tandem and dinner was quickly placed on the table. Fili and Kili sat down in their respective places and looked at their creation.

“It look’s like shit,” Fili said.

Kili feigned a surprised gasp, “Fili! What happened to your pristine language?”

Fili just shrugged his shoulders and stuck a forkful of Spaghetti into his mouth, “Tastes like shit too.”

Kili burst into uncontrollable laughter. All of the day’s worries seemed to vanish when he laughed. Fili couldn’t help joining his brother.Their laughs were infectious. When one would stop all they would have to do was listen to the other and the chain reaction would start again.

“Okay, okay,” Fili said, “I can’t take anymore. My stomach is killing me.”

“Weakling,” Kili said, stopping his laughter.

“I’ll show you weakling!” Fili cried as he left his seat and put Kili in a headlock.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Kili said as his laughter resumed.

“Sounds like something a weakling would say,” Fili declared.

“I-” Kili was interrupted by a knock on the door. The two immediately grew still. 

Fili released kili and turned to him, “stay here,” he said. Fili left the kitchen, not bothering to check if Kili actually listened to him. He placed his hand on the door handle and peered out the peephole.

It was a middle aged woman with long brown hair. She was wearing a business slacks and a blouse. Fili stood back and opened the door. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“Yes. Can I speak to Dis Durin?” Her tone was strictly business.

“She’s not here,” Fili blurted out. He had a feeling that he knew why this lady was here and as much as Fili hated to admit it, he couldn’t keep doing this forever. They were out of money and had no one to look after them. 

The woman raised her eyebrows and continued, “When will she be back?”

“She’s not coming back,” Fili admitted. He felt his body shaking.

“I believe we have a lot to discuss,” The woman said gently.

Fili nodded his head and moved out of the way so she could walk in.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The brothers were once again in their chairs at the table, except this time they had company. Fili did all of the talking, allowing Kili to stare at the table and stay out of the conversation. Fili told her everything, from their father’s death to waking up to find their mother gone, bed still made. Fill did not however, tell her about finding his mom preparing herself to leave. 

When Fili finished telling his tale he could tell that the woman was trying to hide a look of horror. She quickly composed herself and cleared her throat. The noise made Kili look up from the table.

“Well,” The woman began, “I believe it’s best for you two to come with me.”

“I don’t want to leave!” Kili said in a panic. “I don’t want to leave home.”

Fili watched as tears spilled from Kili’s eyes for the second time that evening. He mustered all the energy he could and hoped that his voice wouldn’t quiver, “This isn’t home anymore Kili.” Kili looked at him as if he had three heads.

“What do you mean?” Kili asked, eyebrows crunched in confusion.

“I mean it’s time to go,” Fili said gently.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ride to the police station was silent.The only sense Fili felt was Kili’s hand clutching his. Buildings sped past and people milled about in the streets but Fili saw none of it. The city normally elicited excitement from the two brothers, but today, New York couldn’t hold their attention.

The police station was cold, the lights blinding. The woman, who hadn’t bothered to tell them her name, turned around to face the boys. Her posture was perfect and her look assertive.

“Now before I pull your files can you tell me who your closest living relative is?” she asked.

“We have an uncle,” Fili began

“But we don’t really know him. We’ve only seen him once,” Kili finished.

The lady let out a sigh, “all right. See those chairs over their, by the water cooler?”The brother’s followed her line of sight and nodded. “Ok, I want you two to sit over their until someone comes for you.”

“How long will we have to wait?” Fili asked.

“That depends on how long it takes to either track down a relative or children’s shelter that has room for you,” The lady rattled off the information as if she had said it a thousand times. 

“What happens if we have to go to a shelter?” Kili asked nervously, his hand tightening around Fili’s.

“Then we try to find someone who can foster you both until we find your mother, if we find your mother.” She pointed at the chairs once more and walked away before the brothers could voice any more concerns. 

Fili dragged Kili to the chairs and sat down. Both took a minute to acquaint themselves with their new surroundings. How long would they have to wait here? Fili let his head fall into his hands. One cold from being alone, the other kept warm by his brother’s grip. What if they were separated? Fili wondered and his heart started to race with panic. He couldn’t stop the sinking feeling that this was all his fault. He shouldn’t have given in so easily. He should have been stronger.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What if they separated them? Kili thought. He peered over at his brother and watched the steady rise and fall of his breaths. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if they were separated. Fili was always the stable one, the one who always knew what to do. He was able to take care of both of them for two weeks, he could take care of them from now on, couldn’t he? 

Kili jumped in his seat, making Fili raise his head. “What happens Fili, if they take us away from each other?” The panic in his voice was palpable.

“I won’t let that happen,” Fili said with so much assureity that the clench around Kili’s heart was immediately released.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili and Kili sat and waited for what seemed like hours. The moon was high in the sky and the station was dead. They hadn’t seen the lady that had brought them here. No one had tried to speak with them. Their eyes grew tired and both brothers were fighting to keep their eyes open. It was a fight that neither of them could win and they succumbed to a dreamless sleep. 

When the brothers awoke, it was to someone gently shaking them awake. A man stood in front of them. He wore dark jeans and a simple T-shirt. His black hair was short, but his face looked as if he hadn’t shaved for a handful of weeks. Fili was the first to realize who he was.

“Your our uncle,” Fili breathed, sleep still clinging to his voice.

“Yes,” the man gave them an awkward smile, a sign that this was a situation he never dreamed he would find himself in. “I’m Thorin, your uncle. And this lady here,” he pointed to the woman standing next to him, drawing the brother’s attention to her and away from himself, “Ms. Shelley, said that you two need a place to stay for a while.”

“How do we know you’re really our uncle and not someone who’s out to kidnap us?” Kili asked, eyes narrowing.

“Kili!” Fili reprimanded.

Thorin laughed, a deep laugh that put Fili at ease. “It’s all right. Ms. Shelley wouldn’t let anyone who wasn’t kin walk out with you.”

“I assure you,” Ms. Shelley said, “That this man is in fact your uncle. You two are in good hands. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have a few cases that require my attention.” and just like that Ms. Shelley walked out of their lives as quickly as she had entered it.

“Well,” Thorin cleared his throat, “we should get going.” Thorin guided his two young nephews out of the police station and into a taxi.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ride to Thorin’s home had been a long one. They had left the inner city and then proceeded to leave the city altogether. Buildings were traded for trees and packed quarters for large expanses of land. Now the brothers stood in front of a large house. Fili would go as far as to call it a small mansion.The large modern styled house was surrounded by green grass and tall trees lining the driveway. A fountain adorned the circle drive. Fili could make out a garden in the distance.

“Mom never said...” Kili began but wasn’t sure how to finish.

“That I was wealthy?” Thorin supplied.

Kili just nodded his head in response, his growling stomach doing the talking for him.

“How does breakfast sound?” Thorin asked.

“I think it sounds like the best thing I’ve heard in two weeks,” Fili said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a ride wasn't it? Now the story can really begin. I'll be taking a few days to map out the next few chapters and I should update this weekend or early next week. If I don't feel free to harass me. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


	3. An unwelcomed truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! An update! So sorry about the long wait, but it's the longest chapter yet. This chapter was not cooperating with me and life got real crazy real quick. But I'm not giving up on this story,so don't worry about that. I'm here till the end, even with chapters with minimal editing. So, enjoy! Also! You can find me at ladyofriddermark on tumblr so drop me a line and remind me that I should be writing.

Kili walked the long halls by himself. His uncle was out for lunch with a friend. And Fili? Fili was at a summer intensive for teens preparing for the business world. Kili had laughed when Fili informed him that he was going. He thought Fili had been joking. Unfortunately for Kili, wasn’t. 

Thorin had been grooming Fili to take over the family business since their arrival four years ago. ‘A natural,’ Thorin had called Fili. Kili thought it was all over glorified but it made Fili happy, so it made Kili happy. Well, it did until it meant that his brother would be spending a month away from home. The bothers had never been apart for such a long period of time and Kili was near a nuclear meltdown large enough to take the city with him. 

Kili recalled the day Fili left perfectly. His stomach had been in knots. Fili on the other hand had appeared to be perfectly calm and collected. A month away from home didn’t seem to be such a bad idea to him. That calmness had made Kili’s nerves explode. 

“You don’t have to go. Thorin say’s you’re a natural so why would it matter if you decided not to go?” Kili said walking around his brother in nervous circles. 

“Because I want to go Kili,” Fili paused his packing to face Kili and placed his hands on his brother’s shoulders, stilling his pacing. “You will be fine, I promise. You won’t even notice that I’m gone. You’ll be going to parties and driving uncle mad,” Fili said the last words with a laugh.

Kili huffed,”That’s not true. I’ll be miserable, and I only like going to parties if you go with me,” he added. 

“You’re sixteen Kili, you’re not a kid anymore. You don’t need me to go everywhere with you. Have some fun while I’m gone. Don’t mope around all month,” Fili said with a stern look. “Just don’t get some poor girl pregnant,” Fili’s playful and calm demeanor returned as he left his brother’s side to continue packing.

“Like that’s going to happen.” Kili rolled his eyes.

“Stranger things have happened,” Fili said in a teasing tone.

“Is that a challenge?” Kili asked, a smirk on his face. “Because I can think of some, let’s say interesting, things that will be sure to put this family on the map for all the wrong reasons,” Kili paused, waiting for his brother’s reaction. When he saw that he would get none he continued, “by the time you get back I’ll be the talk of the town.”

Fili just shook his head and pointed at the door “out,” he said, “Or I’m never gonna be ready.”

“That’s the plan,” Kili declared with a glint in his eyes.

“Out,” Fili repeated. “I’ll meet you downstairs in ten.”

Kili knew when to give up. He listened to his brother and let Fili finish packing in peace. The halls were silent. Thorin was away on business leaving the mansion to Fili and Kili. The thought of being the only one to inhabit the house for nearly a week made Kili bite at his nails, a subconscious habit that he couldn’t seem to kick. 

Kili’s heart rate increased and his breathing became more rapid. Was Fili really going to leave? He didn’t know how he was going to go a month without seeing his brother. Sure, he could always call him but it wasn’t the same. If he wasn’t with his brother there was no guarantee that he would ever see him again, and that was something that terrified Kili.

He took a sharp turn and rushed down the stars to the front of the house, pacing before the door. All of the things that could possibly go wrong passed through his mind. Fili could get in a car accident, he could be murdered by a psycho, or he could choke on food for heaven’s sake! There was so much that could go wrong and Kili was expected to remain behind while any of those things could occur. Kli groaned and covered his face with his hands, it was going to be a long month to say the least. 

The sound of loud footfalls jarred Kili from his thoughts. Fili had his bag thrown haphazardly across his shoulder, his clothes were in a state of disarray that matched his long blond hair. Kili’s breath hitched, but the moment passed quickly enough to allow him the benefit of not meditating on the action. 

Fili walked up to Kili and clapped him on the shoulder. “Well little brother, looks like you get to be king of the castle for a while. Don’t let the power go to your head,” Fili said in mock seriousness, his head tilted to the side.

“haha, very funny,”Kili said in a monotone voice. “besides, what’s a king without any subjects?” Kili whispered.

“Don’t get too far down in the dumps,” Fili said. “You’ll only be by yourself for a week.”

“But You’ll still be gone for three weeks after that,” Kili countered, focusing on the blond gold of Fili’s hair. 

Fili’s attitude sobered, “You’ll be okay, Kili. I’ll come back.”

Kili rushed forward and wrapped his arms around Fili, hiding his face in his neck. “I know,” came Kili’s muffled voice. “I just worry.” Kili took a deep breath trying to memorize the earthy and grounded smell that was Fili.

“I know you do,” Fili returned his brother’s hug and placed his hand on the back of Kili’s head. “Now, enough of this,” Fili’s playful tone replaced his once serious one. “I’m in too good of a mood to be sad, plus the meter on the cab is running,” Fili added, always one to point out the logic. 

“I’ll see you in a month, Kili. Please, don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone. I don’t think uncle will take kindly to having to bail you out of jail.” Fili said with a grin. 

“No promises,” answered Kili. He gave his brother a forced smile and looked him in the eyes, “now go show them what a Durin’s made of.” Kili gave Fili a push out the door and swiftly closed it behind before Fili could get another word in. 

Kili slowed his breathing, leaning against the door before he took off sprinting up the stairs to the safety of his room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili rolled his shoulders back and took a deep breath. He felt the gravel crunch under his feet as he walked towards the taxi. He felt his stomach roll, informing him that he was very much doing something he didn’t want to. He opened the taxi door, got in, and prayed that the month would go by quickly.

It would be hard but Kili needed this just as much as Fili did, even if it was for different reasons. Fili handed the cab driver the address, sat back, and closed his eyes. The first thing he saw was Kili. Fili sighed. Kili’s dependency had only gotten worse over time, despite their circumstances. Fili would like to think that his own dependency had disappeared, but then he would be lying to himself, and Fili was nothing if not honest. 

Fili could vouch however, that his dependency had stagnated the day he realized that Thorin meant to make the Durin house their home. This trip was vital. He needed it to prove that Kili would be okay without him, that he could live a life without seeing his brother everyday.

Fili was sure that he would be okay, but then the look on Kili’s face as he pushed him out of the door made him flinch and his fingers thrum. It was a look that Kili only got when he was trying to pretend that everything was fine. It worked on most people, but Fili wasn’t most people. Kili was falling apart at the seams.

They had never been away from each other long. Fili remembered sleepovers with would be friends. The feeling of being in a cage. His agitation was apparent even to those around him before the night was over. He didn’t like to think how Kili had handled it. 

That wasn’t the only reason clawing at Fili’s mind. He had noticed a new air, or maybe it was tension, that had taken over the Durin household. Fili couldn’t put a name on it but it was side looks and stares that seemed to encompass too much. Leaving gave him a chance to clear his mind and fill it with business. 

He was serious about this trip, it wasn’t just a tool to get away. It was a chance to prove to his uncle that he would be able to make the business thrive one day. Business, he discovered was a wonderful way to stay busy and keep your mind off unwanted topics. So naturally he took to Business like a fish to water. ‘A natural’, he remembered his uncle saying.

Fili felt his chest tightening. His palms were sweating and he felt ready to crawl out of his skin. Fili tried to get his emotions under control. No matter how many times he told himself it was going to be alright his stomach wouldn’t stop doing somersaults. He kept his eyes closed and tried to enjoy the cab ride despite his current state.

It was going to be a long month.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kili thrummed his fingers on the dining room table. The sun was streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows that lined the wall. He watched as his hands entered, and then left a stream of light, never stopping the motion of his fingers. 

“You need to eat,” his uncle said.

Kili looked up from his hands to his uncle, “I’m not hungry.”

“It will make it worse if you don’t eat,” Thorin warned.

“What do you mean?” Kili asked.

Thorin gave him knowing look, his head tilted to the side. “Fili will be back today, there’s no reason to make yourself sick working yourself up into a frenzy. You’re acting as if you haven’t seen him for a year.”

Kili couldn’t stop the blush that overtook his face. “I’m just not used to him being gone for so long,” Kili silently reprimanded himself. Maybe not the best choice of words on his part, but Thorin didn’t seem to notice because he carried on the conversation.

“You should start getting used to it,” Thorin said, his words gentle not harsh. “You’re both getting older and will be starting your own lives soon enough. You won’t always be attached at the hip, no matter how much the child in you wants it.” Thorin turned unusually soft eyes on his youngest nephew.

Kili shifted in his chair uncomfortably. Thorin probably understood the brothers the best Kili thought. He had watched them come into his home and rebuild their lives as best as they could. Thorin had let them take all the time they had needed to adjust but one thing hadn’t changed over time. The brothers’ dependency hadn’t left. It wasn’t so bad that Thorin thought that it was harming them, but it was still enough to stop them from leaving each others side whenever they could. 

“I know,” Kili said defeated, “I just,” he trailed off.

“You’re scared, Kili, I understand,” Thorin supplied. 

“Why?” Kiil asked himself more than his uncle.

“Because you’re worried that someone you love wholeheartedly is going to leave you again.” They didn’t bring up Dis often and it sent an unwelcome jolt throughout his body. 

Kili brought a fist up to his mouth and bit down, trying to keep the tears at bay. “I’m going to go take a walk in the gardens,” he said as he pushed his plate away.Thorin let him go without a fight and watched his nephew walk out the house. 

Kili walked to the side of the house and was welcomed by an enormous rose garden. He breathed in and allowed the smell of the roses to relax him. The garden had been his favorite place to escape to since his arrival at the Durin mansion. It felt a world away from everything and his worries. It was a place were the plants blocked out his vision of anything else. All that was left was calm beauty.

He sat down on the stone bench in the middle of the garden. It was in the shape of a spiraling circle with the middle open for parties and other activities. Kili closed his eyes and breathed deep. Here, he was able to sort his thoughts without the fear of interruption.

Thorin was right, Fili would be home today. It was the day he had been waiting for before Fili had even left. So why was did he feel so nervous? Things hadn’t exactly been normal when Fili had left but they hadn’t been bad. Maybe tense was the right word Kili thought. Fili and him didn’t really fight so it couldn’t be that. Kili let the past few months play over in his mind. Nothing stood out, except...  
Kili’s eyes flew open as his felt a blush covering his face for the second time that morning.

He admitted that his behavior had been a little off the past few months. Kili recounted stolen glances and confused thoughts. He had been jittery, more than usual. His words sometimes came out louder and quicker than he had intended. Maybe Fili had picked up on his behavior Kili thought. Why else would things be the way they were? Fili could read people’s emotions as if they were light reading after all. Fili was just mirroring his own emotions. That had to be it Kili decided, but why was he having trouble in the first place?

Feeling satisfied with his answers, for the moment, Kili left his place among the roses and went back inside. He climbed the long stairs and made his way to one of his favorite rooms in the house. Fili’s room was dark and dusty with disuse. Kili hadn’t ventured in since the day Fili left. Now he wished he had. It was calm and silent. It felt like home.

Kili sat in the windowsill and made himself comfortable. The sun warmed his skin, drawing him to a sense of security. He rested his head in the alcove between the wall and the window and closed his eyes. Like a cat he allowed the sun to lull him to sleep.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili bounced his leg in anticipation. The cab ride home seemed to drag on. His month away from home came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. He had done well he thought. He managed to learn a few tricks and impress instructors at the same time. Despite that, he was ready to be home. He had missed his uncle and the long quiet halls. He had missed his comfy bed and he had missed Kili.

Kili had constantly been on his mind. Fili never stopped worrying about him. They had exchanged calls and texts throughout the month but they also felt detached and cut short. Fili told himself that it was just the distance that they weren’t used to. Fili was never good at lying though. No matter how much he wished and hoped, Fili knew there was something else going on, and he felt as if he was getting dangerously close to the truth. A truth that he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Fili placed a hand on his knee to still its jumping. No matter what had been overshadowing their lives recently, it could be fixed he thought. Their family had already been through so much, he couldn’t see anything tearing them apart. Whatever was wrong he would fix it. 

His exit of the taxi was nothing more than the necessities of paying the fare and grappling with his bag. It would have been quicker he thought, if he would have just calmed down.

The door almost came off its hinges with the force with which Fili opened it. He had worked himself up in the cab with thoughts of a rocky relationship with his brother. When Fili stepped into his home he was met with dead silence. Nothing but dust particles floating through sunshine to disrupt the air. 

After being away from home for a month, the silent welcome was almost a letdown, almost. Fili took a second to breath in and revel in the fact that he was home. No more set schedule, no more pleasing others or trying to charm them into accepting a fictional business deal. He was home and could finally release the facade. 

The stillness was disrupted by the appearance of Thorin. His uncle gave him a small smile and held out an arm. Fili accepted the queue and gave his uncle a hug.

“It’s good to have you back,” Thorin said ruffling Fili’s hair.

“It’s good to be back,” Fili automatically replied. 

Fili loved his uncle but he was terrible at these types of conversations. It sometimes felt as if his conversations were scripted. Fili always tried to say his part, hoping that his uncle wouldn’t notice the slight tinge of awkward that permeated these situations. He knew Thorin cared and that was enough. 

Thorin cleared his throat, “Well, I expect to hear everything during dinner.”

“Of course,” Fili supplied.

“You might want to go find your brother before too long,” Thorin said. “He’s been driving me crazy. He’s either out all night or I have to force him out of the house, there is no in between.” Thorin dragged his hands across his face.

Fili couldn’t help but laugh at his uncle. Kili was an extreme person so it didn’t surprise Fili that his brother had been less than consistent in his activities. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him.” Fili stopped to pick up his bag and made his way to the base of the stairs.

“He’ll be fine now that you’re back,” Thorin said nonchalantly.

For some reason the words made Fili stop in his tracks, but he couldn’t think of anyway to respond to his uncle’s words. Instead, Fili just nodded his head, eyes fixed on the alabaster staircase. He continued on his way when he heard Thorin retreat back to the dining room. 

There was nothing Fili wanted more than to sleep in his own bed again. Sleep was his one thought as his hand settled on the doorknob. However, as he opened the door he quickly realized that he wouldn’t be getting his solitary peace anytime soon. 

Fili took in the sight of Kili sleeping in the windowsill. His head had fallen forward and his knees were resting against his chest. Fili felt his expression soften. It had been a long time since he had seen Kili in such a vulnerable position. 

Kili let out a breathy, “Fili,” and he almost thought he had woken his brother but Kili made no movement. 

Fili felt exhaustion overrun him as if he had been working instead of riding in a cab for the better part of the day. Fili sighed. If he left Kili there, he would be pissed at him when he woke up with a crick in his neck. The older brother in him pointed out the only solution to the situation.

Fili scooped Kili up in his arms as if he was a little kid again and deposited him on the bed. Kili immediately rolled on to his side and continued to sleep. Fili chuckled at the sight, Kili had always been a heavy sleeper. He laid down on the other side of the bed and let sleep take over.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili woke feeling as if he had been up all night instead of sleeping away the afternoon. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and his mouth was like sandpaper. With his eyes still closed he made the conscious decision to find something to drink. Fili attempted to sit up but quickly realized that that wasn’t an option. Kili had an iron grip around his brother, his arm carelessly tossed across Fili. Fili however, knew that his brother was deceivingly strong. 

He closed his eyes and allowed himself a few more seconds of rest before gently removing Kili’s arm. He slowly sat up and braced his hands on the bed, staving off the lightheadedness that normally followed a nap.

Fili looked over at his brother. His mouth was slightly ajar from the position he was sleeping in and he could see a sliver of drool making it way down to the pillow. He lifted a hand to brush a piece of hair away from Kili’s face but stopped when he realized the kind of grin he had on his face. He lowered his hand and frowned. 

He took a second to assess the beating in his chest and the cadence of his breathing. Fili quirked his head to the side, his eyebrows drawing together.

Realization hit him like a ton of rain water. It was chilling and unpleasant. Fili jumped off the bed and rushed out of the room, not bothering to see if he had woken Kili.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kili woke with a start and quickly realized that the sun was no longer shining on his skin, in fact he was no longer in the windowsill. His head still fuzzy with sleep couldn’t fathom where he was. Kili stretched and felt his arm hit something soft. He turned to look at a squashed pillow laying next to him. He took a look around the room and the fuzz promptly dispelled. 

He was still in Fili’s room, that he was sure of. However, it wasn’t as clear how he had made it from the windowsill to the bed. Kili knew that he didn’t sleep walk and he didn’t remember waking up. 

Kili peered out of the window, once again taking in the low sun. He sat up fast enough to make his head rush. He ran out of the room without straightening his clothes or wiping the drool off of his chin. Fili was home and that was all that mattered.

He went downstairs first. The sun told him that it was dinner time and if there was one thing the Durin’s loved most in this world, it was food. Kili could smell the aroma of supper at the bottom of the stairs. He took in a deep breath as he entered the dining room. The table was set and platters of food sat in the middle. 

Thorin walked through the kitchen door, focused on the pot in his mitten covered hands. After placing it at the end of the table his uncle looked up at him,“ah, there you two are. I was about to come get you. The cook is out for the night so I’m afraid you boys will have to settle for my cooking.”

Kili gave Thorin a quizzical look,”Fili’s not already down here?”

“I thought he was with you,” Thorin countered. “Hasn’t he been with you since he got back?”

“No,” Kili said

“He said he was going to go find you last time I saw him,” Thorin offered.

“Well I haven’t seen him,” Kili muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Then I suggest you go find him and tell him to get down here before he’s stuck doing the dishes by himself,” Thorin said sternly. “I haven’t been slaving away for the better part of the afternoon just to have two ungrateful teenagers turn up their noses.”

Kili nodded his head in assent and continued the search for his brother. Since his brother wasn’t in fact stuffing his face, there was only one place that Kili could think of that he would be. 

The library was one of the larger rooms in the house. It housed the slightly intimidating collection of antique books that Thorin coveted. Everything seemed to be made of wood or granite. Kili always thought that the room stuffy and too quiet. Fili on the other hand, had always felt like it was the room with the most potential. 

Fili had spent most of his free time in the library, nose tucked into a book. Kili would sit for hours trying to convince his brother that there were far more interesting things the pair could be doing. He had always lost of course. 

As Kili came up to the large wooden door that separated him from his brother and a terribly boring room, his hand hesitated on the handle. It had been a month since he had seen his brother and he hadn’t had a conversation with him despite the fact that he had been home for the better part of the afternoon. He was admittedly a little nervous despite the feeling in his gut that told him to ‘open the door already, he’s probably just lost track of time,’ something his brother was notorious for.

Kili pushed open the door without a second thought. The first thing he saw was his brother’s back. Fili was sitting at a small table facing a window. Kili smiled at the sight. He took quiet steps until he stood behind Fili. The smile on Kili’s face quickly turned to confusion as he saw that Fili wasn’t reading but just sitting and staring. 

Kili’s confidence suddenly diminished. Fili hadn’t noticed his presence and he was having a hard time trying to figure out the best way to break the silence. He felt like a little kid again, scared of making the wrong move. He lifted a finger and gently poked Fili in the shoulder. His brother’s reaction was instant.

“Kili,” Fili said softly.

“Did you miss me?” Kili said only half jokingly.

Fili quickly stood up and finally faced his brother. “Of course. It was an agonizing month not having someone constantly getting on my nerves.”

Those few words of normalcy were all it took for Kili to fling himself at his brother. The two brothers laughed and held on to each other, both thrilled to be in the other’s presence. When they pulled apart they were all smiles. 

“Really though,” Kili said. “Did you miss me or did I knock up half the town for nothing? I mean you did tell me to get out more,because apparently staying home all day and actually enjoying my summer is not a choice. But you know what? Those ladies were awfully nice.I’m sure uncle won’t mind having to split the inheritance among so many heirs,” Kili kept a straight face as he relayed his monolog to Fili.

Fili on the other hand had a brief look of panic before giving Kili a dead stare, “you did not. I bet despite this family’s greatest efforts you still only hung out with Gimli and got drunk.”

“Well,” Kili squeaked, “I may have done that a few times, but not enough to call attention to it.” Kili reassured Fili. 

“Please tell me you did do something other than follow Gimli around and partake in his shenanigans,” Fili crossed his arms over his chest and gave Kili a knowing look.

“Yeah,” Kili said dragging out the word, “does getting high count?” He gave his brother a devilish grin.

“It’s not like I expected anything else,” Fili mumbled.

“Hey!” Kili shouted. “It’s not like I always get high...or drunk,” He said.

Fili raised his hands in mock defense. “Right. Why are you here again?”

Kili rolled his eyes but allowed his brother to change the subject. “It’s dinner time, you know the time of day where a family normally eats and discusses the atrocities of the day? Thorin made dinner tonight and was very confused when I went downstairs by myself.”

“Ah,” Fili said. “That does sound good right about now.”

“Uncle said that you went to go find me and that he hadn’t seen you all afternoon, but I haven’t seen you until now.” Kili refrained from mentioning that he didn’t wake up where he had fallen asleep. “Where were you all day?”

“I was just reading,” Fili said looking at the stack of books he had gathered. “Plus, I needed time to face the fact that I would have to deal with you again, “ Fili ruffled Kili’s hair and walked out the library, leaving Kili standing in his wake.

Kili shook his head and ran after his brother.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dinner was delicious, as it always was when Thorin cooked. Fili and Thorin spoke about Fili’s month away. There was laughter and serious questions from both sides but Kili didn’t pay any attention. It was all he could do to eat. He was happy that Fili was home of course, but Fili’s demeanor when he first saw him was what was bothering him. 

Fili was good at hiding his emotions, even from those he was closest to, but once in a while Kili would catch a glimpse on what was going on in Fili’s head. This evening was one of those times. Something was wrong. Kili didn’t know what it was but he was positive that it had something to do with the camp he just spent a month at. Fili was mostly himself when he left, now something was different.

“Don’t you think, Kili?” Thorin asked.

“What?” Kili was pushed out of his thoughts.

“I said, don’t you think your brother is capable of taking over the company?” Thorin repeated.

“Someday, I guess,” Kili muttered.

Thorin ignored Kili’s less than enthusiastic answer and turned his attention back to Fili.

Kili paid little attention to his brother’s and uncle’s conversation. He knew Thorin was excited about the prospect of Fili continuing the family legacy and he knew that Fili would indulge him. What he didn’t understand was how this was the only topic he seemed capable of talking about at times. 

He pushed his food around his plate for another hour as Thorin bombarded Fili with questions and he answered them in fashion. Kili missed the looks Fili gave him as he retreated back into himself. The two brothers had coped over the past month in different ways but neither had expected the return that unfolded. 

Dinner ended with an uncle very pleased with his cooking and two brothers unaware of how worried one was for the other. 

“Goodnight boys.” Thorin called while retreating to his study. “I have a meeting tomorrow morning so you two will have the house to yourselves for a while. However that does not mean you two get a free pass. The maid is out for the week which means you must divide the chores amongst yourselves. I don’t care who does what, just get it done.” And just like that he turned a simple goodnight into an order. 

Kili and Fili nodded their heads in assent and left the dining room to climb the staircase. They walked in silence Fili in exhaustion Kili in worry. The long hall led them to Fili’s room first. Fili put one hand on the handle and the other in the middle of the door.

“It’s good to be home.” Fili said with a tired smile on his face. 

“Yeah,” Kili said softly.

Fili pushed the door open and walked inside. Facing Kili who was still standing on the other side of the threshold, he leaned on the door and sighed. Kili watched his brother, rooted to the spot.

“Goodnight, Kili,” Fili said.

“Night.” Kili pivoted on his heel and walked to the end of the hall. 

Kili closed his door harder than necessary, trying to shut the world out with the night. He crossed his room in a few strides and collapsed on his bed. He had woken up in excitement and nerves. Now he was going to go to sleep in worry and confusion.

Fili was back. It was all Kili could think about for a month but now that Fili really was back there was something wrong. Fili wasn’t acting completely like himself, if only for a moment Kili caught a glimpse of Fili fighting with himself. 

Kili drifted to sleep while promising himself that he would find out what was bothering Fili, and fix it.

He woke struggling for breath. He sat up and pushed himself out of bed. Kili took deep breathes to bring him back to reality, the last bits of an already forgotten nightmare fading away. He ran his hands through his hair, not failing to notice the sweat that drenched both his hair and clothes. 

He busied himself with changing his clothes. He walked into the adjacent bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face. He examined the dark circles under his eyes. It had been years since Kili had woken from a nightmare, a testament to how much better life had been over the last few years.

Kili turned of the bathroom light and found his way, blindly, back to bed. He shut his eyes and tried to empty his mind. 

Finding sleep wasn’t easy. Kili kept tossing and turning. His mind wandering back to the nightmare. It wasn’t the subject of the nightmare that bothered him, he couldn’t even remember what it was about. What bothered him was the fact that he had one.

He pushed back his covers and marched to his door. He paused debating if he should continue on his way, or get back in bed.

Following his gut, he opened his door to reveal the dark hall. Kili took slow steps, trying to keep the floor’s creaking down to a minimum. The dark air hot around him, it felt like a weight was on his shoulders.

After what felt like forever, Kili reached the door to Fili’s room. He placed his hand on the handle, the metal cool to the touch, making the hot air around Kili disappear.

He opened the door and walked into his brother’s room. He recognized the bed’s large frame in the center of the room, and the large bookcase next to it. He gazed at the windowsill where he had been hours before. Fili’s room was large, but sparse. Only a dresser and full hamper confirmed that it was an occupied room.

But what interested Kili the most was the outline of his sleeping brother. The steady rise and fall of Fili’s shoulders had a habit of relaxing Kili whenever he saw it. He could watch for hours, but he felt his eyelids drooping and his head getting fuzzy.

Kili padded over to the bed and gently sat down. He felt the soft sheets against his skin and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. He rolled over as slowly as he could, doing his best not to wake Fili, and buried his face in his brother’s back. He closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully you enjoyed it. Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter of mostly world building and setting up the plot. I plan for the next chapter to be released either this weekend or early in the week. Anyways please let me know what you thought by either leaving kudos, comments, or both. I live off of them so please, for the love of the story, indulge me.


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